FAQ

As I receive questions, this page will be fleshed out.

Why are only some of your books available on Kindle Unlimited?

I’m still learning where I belong when it comes being published. Kindle Unlimited offers some great options to authors. I’ve been feeling out different ways of doing things. So far this has resulted in books being pulled from Kindle Unlimited six months out.

Some books may end up remaining because they have a steady page read. I may in the future return a book, or a series to Kindle Unlimited, but at this point have no plans to do so.

Can you return *insert book title* to Kindle Unlimited, I want to re-read it!

I love your enthusiasm, but unfortunately that’s just not possible. I encourage all my readers to purchase a copy of the book they want to read from a trusted retailer. Either in ebook form so you have a backup, or the paperback copy.

Do not Google my name or the book and then go to one of those ‘pdf’ sites. They are not safe and frankly I’m surprised they think I garner enough attention to even try such a thing. Buy your copy, barring that, sign up for the newsletter, Facebook, follow on Twitter, all those things and there are sometimes giveaways. Once a quarter, a book will go on free on Kindle Unlimited, get a copy then for when it’s pulled from the program and goes broad. There are lots of options to get my book.

Why are you always asking for reviews?

Because I won’t pay for them the way some authors have been known to, which means they pay others to write false reviews. The number of reviews determine where I can market my books and who will accept me. They also tell other readers how much you like my book and can help me sell more.

I know, I know, you’re doing work for me, why is that? But reviews make the indie book world go round. By getting more reviews, I can sell more books, selling more books means I’m closer to being able to pay my rent from writing alone, which brings me closer to quitting my day job.

If I can quit my day job, I can write a book a month, maybe two once I get the practice of it. These are full length books too, not a ten thousand word novella. That means more books for you and a great deal of happiness to be doing what I love all the time for me.

So, please, leave a review on the books you read and tell others what you thought of them.

Can we have another book in *insert world*?

That depends on what I’m working on. Interest in a world can redirect attention to it, which can make a book show up in the world. However, I do have a list of books and an order I’m supposed to be writing them in. Currently, I have my writing blocked out until November, and then on again until about March of 2018.

That’s right, I am looking for a project for NaNoWriMo.

What’s Mr. Wrightworth’s name? Why won’t you tell us?

Characters aren’t just dolls for me. He’s asked that his name not be shared, and I’ve respected that request. In response to that, we’ve opened a discussion about a solo book for him that would fall under the Contracted umbrella. I can’t share any details because they may change, all I can say is that it revolves around his meeting Oberon and the time between when he left his family and when Nathaniel’s father refound him.

If that book is written, there is a chance that his name will make it into the book, uttered by the devil himself.

About the Author

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re exploring my site and trying to learn more about me. I’m also guessing you want to know more beyond the author blurb that’s included in books.

One day, I imagine I’ll be able to fill oodles and oodles of pages with my life. In the meantime, however, you’ll have to make do with what you see here:

I have been writing stories since learning how to write, each year I’d wait on the edge of my seat as the teacher announced when the creative writing portion of the year would be. The older I got, the more disappointed I became at how stifling the rules became.

One year they made us write about hockey. They even entered us into some kind of contest, but it was more about following instructions than being creative.

From what I’m told, I was telling stories long before I knew how to write. Many children have imaginary friends, I had an imaginary world that I never quite grew out of.

While I have at least average intelligence, I didn’t realise being an author was a job that one could have until I was thirteen and one visited my school. My friends set me right and I’ve been writing with that in mind ever since.

Once I had a stable internet connection, I began researching everything to do with big house publishing and was thoroughly disappointed. There’s the short window of opportunity on shelves, the very limited acceptance, and either quitting your day job and becoming the starving artist, or continuing on for decades and getting little return.

Don’t get me wrong, a publishing house has a time and a place and loves some authors. I just never felt like they’d love or want me.

So, I continued posting my stories for free, for years and years. All the while looking into indie publishing. After weighing the pros and the cons of the entire thing, I chose the route I’m on now, rather than going to a smaller publishing house.

With years of practice, I can write a book in a month. If I’m focused, if I set goals, if I know the gist of everything that’s going on, or if the characters give me a clear path. At this time, however, I’m not always focused.

I do have a day job to pay my bills. I am not being supported or sponsored by a spouse, family, or friends, and am the only one paying my bills and caring for me and my home. As you may have seen me say on other areas of the site, that is not being said so that you’ll throw me a pity party. I don’t want one.

It’s more of a begging for patience. I sometimes can’t work for a day up to a week even because work is stressful, or I need to do a deep clean of the apartment because the ceiling is leaking… again. Or I simply need a break from the two full time jobs. Sometimes the writing slows down and sometimes I may not make launch dates, but I will keep you updated on where I am and how long I think it’s going to be.

Oh, and my brain is broken. Gently, a little bit, maybe just a little fractured. When you rely on your brain for your job and it gets shut down by migraines and episodes of weird static, it gets frustrating. A migraine can shut down writing for up to two weeks, but I can do all the other things. An episode shuts down all work for a week before it starts back up again.

Trust me, if I could get a diagnosis and medication for the episodes, I would. I’ve yet to meet a worse feeling than having everything that I am stripped away and replaced with static and just enough of me left to understand what’s missing.

Worlds

There are many worlds across many universes. Only one Universe is in use at the moment, and that is in a ‘little’ story called Home.

Stories can be sparked very easily. Something as simple as passing by a flyer that reads, “Psychic Brain Death,” can set off a chain of events inside my mind. Though, I think that flyer was for some kind of band.

I hope.

Worlds evolve from stories as I write them. Two worlds existed before I started writing the stories for those worlds, which are being published. Aurora, and Daughters of the Alphas, which could be why I’m not chasing after these worlds, trying to get them to stick around. I know they’ll be back, they’ve been around for years.

If you see a world and want a story in that world, yes, you can contact me about it. No, you cannot start making a suggestion unless you are saying you’d like me to write The Special Boy above The Omega for writing. If you ask a question, we may end up having a conversation.

“What the hell is an Archivist?”

Or, alternatively: “Could you write a story about the Archivist?”

What will not work is “Could you write a story about a guy with this background and a girl of that background?” I’m sorry, it doesn’t work like that, but you can make requests within the existing worlds. The reason you can ask about worlds is because I’m probably already dabbling in that thing, but I haven’t written it because I don’t know if anyone besides myself would be interested.

Nearly every character that appears in my worlds is ‘tagged’ sort of like a blog post. They have all this information linked to them and there are some little things constantly sliding around and trying to fit into a story.

For the most part, though, I just go where my muses lead me. I was supposed to write Prototype and Fragments, but then His Grace up and slid right in there. In that case, I blame Gabriel. That opening scene played through my head for about three weeks before he and I got in a shouting match, and I ended up doing what he wanted, if only to shut him up.

When I was completing Death Mask, my idea had originally been to write Prototype on my phone, in a more focused atmosphere than on the computer. I then made a mention on my Facebook Page about possible trilogies for that world and one thing led to another, and The Reaping had to happen first.

I have many worlds and lots, and lots of stories to tell. However, my time is limited, as of the writing of this, I still need to work a full-time job in order to keep a roof over my head. That’s not a pity party, but a begging for understanding. I am writing just as fast as I can, and I intend to keep it up, but I need to keep me safe and comfortable, and that means devoting a lot of time to a day job.

Which means you may not see your favourite story written right away.

Of course, if you are one of those determined to get all the stories you can, well… you can review the book on the site that you bought it from and on Goodreads. Even one review can go a long way.

Or tell your friends, family, co-workers.

But in the meantime, I’m going to keep writing, and keep working, and keep threatening to beat my muses in frustration.

If only they didn’t enjoy the beatings so much.

Daughters of the Alphas

Alphas are genetically superior men. Alphas have existed for as long as humanity has, Alphas were once the leaders, then the warriors, and finally the fuel for the industrial and technological revolutions. Then someone went and poked the beast in the eye, tried to enslave the Alphas, saying that they were nothing, they had no part in the new world.

A civil war erupted, which the Alphas won like they always do. In the years following, the rules are changing. Alphas are no longer happy being the top of the food chain, they dislike how the women look at them and sneer because there’s another man, ruling their world. They worked and plotted, and did everything in their power to bring back the female of their kind, which had existed long before civilization.

For all their troubles, they bred two female Alphas, and they learned why the females died off.

Hell hath no fury…

The women were more dangerous than their male counterparts. As the females grew, the males retrieved every bit of tradition they could find and latched onto anything referring to the females or women of the families. They talk between the families of the mothers and daughters, giggling like children over the idea of the female Alphas birthing daughters and becoming mothers.

Never realising that, just as the male Alphas would never be referred to as father and son, the females were never Mother or Daughter.

And then they met Rachel.

MaskedIntentions 

In the first book of the series, okay, there’s a lot of information dumping. I’m sorry. Rachel is paired with Morgan and was supposed to make like a woman who was tossed at a hot male.

This is how weird the daughters are.

Rachel fights Morgan every step of the way, but goes along with his traditions in the hopes of seeing justice be served to the man who killed her father, raped her mother and sister, then cast her mother to the streets. He’s also the same one who has been trying to do the same to her, has stripped away the identity of more than one woman, breaks all his breeders, and all that makes any human bad. She has trust issues, which are understandable given her history.

The Alphas seem to know everything, even about the only set of identical twins born with the companion gene: her and her sister. But no one can answer the simplest question that they ask her over and over again, “what are you?”

Fragments- new text.jpg

Fragments goes live on Amazon May 9th, 2018

My name is Rebecca, you may know of my sister, Rachel? I’ve been told her story, how she ran around claiming to be a faerie, beat up a bunch of Alphas and then broke the man who had broken me. Several days after those events, I woke whole, beside a man I had never met, with no memories of what happened.
None.
They tell me that I agreed to it, that there was no other way. They even had a video to show me, but that doesn’t make a body feel any better.
I lost two years of my life. Like coming out of a coma, I woke to a changed view. Children I didn’t want, a broken family. I don’t even recall my father’s death. How does one even begin to pick up the pieces from that?
Rachel and I are back together. She’s promised never to leave me again, but we have different wants. The Alphas have already begun circling like sharks, wanting to draw her blood but unable to tell us apart. Few of them can look at the pair of us and know which is which.
I know what I want in the immediate future. Everyone thinks I’m broken. My therapist says I want what I know will heal me. But I have attractive males fighting for my attention, willing to do anything for me. Those who aren’t willing to kneel want to end us both, Rachel and I because they don’t know what to do with us and it’s all just so…
Alphas, you know?

Aurora

Fourteen years ago, two worlds locked together since time immemorial discovered they had been linked to a third. The one responsible was a teenager, brash, stupid, emotional and with all the angst and temper one expects from a damaged soul. No one took her seriously, they tried to take her world.

But she stood firm, she fought her wars and picked her battles, showing at every turn that she was a creature to be reckoned with… even if she swore like a sailor, didn’t quite know how to walk like a lady, and succumbed to the charms of one of the men who claimed to have been made by her.

Now the world has claimed independence, is setting up governing bodies, taxes, public services, all the things a world requires to be seen as independent. Only one problem though:

The other two worlds have been stealing people who the woman created, hiding them away in order to harness the powers that the woman gifted them to protect her world. Now she knows.

And she wants them back.

 

This series will not follow the trilogy setup as the other worlds, instead visiting on a couple for a book, perhaps two. The titles attached to the works are all working titles and subject to change. They are mainly links back to the world and stories until I am able to work on them.

 

The first book is titled Prototype and follows Maggie as she is removed from her life and her home, to a whole new world filled with magic and laws of nature that bend to her will. She doesn’t know the laws, she doesn’t know the customs, and no one can figure out why when Maggie laughs the world gets a little brighter.

 

The second book is titled Mire and follows Mire. Created to be a weapon, Mire is looked down on by outsiders, and those of Aurora don’t quite know how to handle the soft spoken man. As the world learns of his construction, and what he was meant to do, his position isn’t bettered at all.

Created during the last war, Mire is a weaponized prototype. He was built to be the end of a war that seemed to go on forever, to destroy the enemies of Aurora. But the Lady preaches choice, she says that even created to do something, he has a choice to make. To give in to the darkness, or to walk in the light.

The Ethereal

The Ethereal is a world in which demons and angels have fought over Earth since the creation of the world.

 

The first trilogy are three separate books, and they revolved around the Angelica brothers. On the surface, their job is to save as many humans as possible, whether that is by performing exorcisms or delivering a mercy and sending the human to their Father’s Kingdom. But each of the brothers is bound to Earth, having committed sin in the beginning of creation. The only way for them to return home is to right their wrong, to fix the mess they had made.

Oh, and the only sure way to rid a human of a demonic possession without risking long term damage is orgasm, in the human not the angel. It’s the turning it off then on again of the possessed world.

 

HisGrace      Image2   

As of February 2018, The Ethereal is Closed. There are no current plans to finish the trilogy. It may be reopened in a year or so to complete His Halo, but there is no firm plan.

His Grace: Publication date October 25, 2017. His Wings: Publication date April 8, 2018.

It is the duty of Sam Angelica, and his brothers, to safeguard the souls of mankind. They spend their days visiting Sam’s club, picking out possessed humans, and freeing them of their demons. The brothers are very good at what they do, having perfected their methods time.

Grace Williams is the target of multiple possessions. It falls on Sam to figure out why the cute, innocent young woman is being hunted by demons when she presents none of the usual signs. She’s just a human who insists on working hard to meet her goals. As far as demonic hosts go, she’s about as far from one as a human could be.

He was just supposed to save her soul, but the more time Sam spends with Grace, the more he thinks about her, graving the taste of her lips and the warmth of her skin under his fingertips.

 

His Wings: tentative launch date December 6th, has not been started yet but still on schedule. This book revolves around Ralph and Mike, the brothers who have fought since the dawn of time. They are opposites, never agreeing on anything.

Until they meet Sera. Then both agree that she was made for them. Their fight could very well herald the end of times. Can they learn to put aside their differences for the woman they love?

 

His Halo: Tentative launch date February 7th, 2018, has not been started yet but still on schedule. This book revolves around Gabe, the last brother to go untested. Gabe has been invaluable in the fight against demonic possessions, with his ability to dream walk and plant a suggestion, then leave and let the imagination do the rest. He’s very good at reading people, but puts in the minimal effort when meeting humans because their lives are so short. It’s not that he doesn’t care, but that each time he gets close to someone, they die of old age and it seems but a moment in his life. His heart has been broken time and again.

One day while walking the streets of his city, he sees a familiar face. That of a witch burned during the Inquisition, a woman he had visited in secret, without the knowledge of his brothers. The woman who was the very reason the angels forged an alliance with the witches and were able to do all they had done.

Except, she goes by Hailey now, and she says she doesn’t know him. He can’t read her, but Gabe has never seen such replication of a face and body, even her laugh and her humour. He can’t tell if she’s human, or demon, and time is running out.

Coffee and Blood

This world explores the supernatural races of the world.

As of June 2018, a sub-series has appeared in Coffee and Blood titled Elders. This series will have it’s own page to try to make sense of this ever-expanding world.

The first trilogy is titled Wraith’s Rebellion, and revolves around Helen and Quin, an interviewer and a vampire held hostage by the secrets he keeps.

AtDeathsDoor    Cheating Deathwimage2    Death Mask

As of June 2018, all three books are available on wide release. They are going through a new round of edits and cover design to fall more in line with the Seed covers which will repeat through the series to give it a unified look.

The second trilogy is titled The Reaping, and revolves around Kaz, Ashley, and in a lesser part, Elysia. Vampires are being kidnapped off the street. Humans are blaming vampire on vampire violence and refuse to do anything about it.

Seed Red.jpg               Crop                   Harvest

As of June 2018, all three books are written. Seed has been edited and placed for pre-order on all sites but Amazon due to their timelines (but coming soon). Seed goes live October 15th, 2018.

Crop, and Harvest, are not being edited quite yet, to make way for the rebranding of Wraith’s Rebellion. These books will not be rushed to publication. If you’d like them to move faster, you could support my leaving my day-job by leaving reviews, telling your friends, and such on. The reason for the delay is needing time around other tasks to give them a proper edit such as Seed went through.

 

Other stories in the works:

The Special Boy: (As of June 2018, I am in talks with the characters about this being a closed series called The Coven) The witches have always been female, either in body or in mind, but always female. The male children of witches either live their lives separately, or they learn to help their sisters and mothers to hide what they can do. Once in a very long while, a child is born that the Oracle calls The Special Boy. The young Oracle is constantly in search of him, the Stone has, in the past, sought to destroy him, and the older Oracle has been placid, waiting to see the outcome before she judges.

The old Stone is dead, and a new Special Boy was born and grown in her final years. He loathes the title, considering the fact that he’s a full grown man, and dismisses the first, second, even the fourteenth message from the Witch Council to attend. So they send his great-aunt to collect him, except that doesn’t go as planned either.

With a Special Boy grown and obviously capable of keeping himself alive no matter what is thrown at him, the witches are baffled and stunned. What do they do with a man who holds all the magic of a witch, but none of the connection?

 

The Omega: Awakened one night, beside a man she didn’t know with a belt around her neck and a needle in his arm, Jane is confused and in pain. As her bed partner awakes, she takes action to protect herself, then flees. She remembers nothing of her past, or of the present day, and because of her behaviour is picked up and placed under psychiatric care. Her file reads that she is suffering from supernatural mania.

Jane believes she’s a werewolf.

Except real werewolves don’t follow the myths that humans believe, having cultivated those myths for thousands of years. No one believes her, not until someone lets slip about Lucrecia and her position as ambassador to the vampires, and Jane takes matters into her own hands. Even Lucrecia doesn’t believe at first, but then Jane utters a name long forgotten to history: Ulia.

The Trouble with Growing Pains

If you click here and are on a computer, you’ll see a bar with a little rounded arrow that slides the project to the left and into the menu. When I was first exploring this theme, that’s what it said it’d do with the blog posts.

I freaking loved it, so I selected the theme and now I can’t flipping find it again and I feel like this is all stubbed nonsense. The theme is about showing off portfolios. I think. 

I can’t remember.  But that’s what I want this to do. 

Roll the posts back into the side bar and out again if people would like to view them. I’d like the side bar to have links separated into like menus.

It just occurred to me how I might accomplish that second point, I will give it a shot. Worst that could happen is I start rage drinking, right?

The guides and how tos for both the theme and most things wordpress are half a decade old. They tell you to go through your control panel to change your theme. Or tell you to go through customization but then reference an option choice that isn’t there. Leaving me sitting at my computer feeling like a flipping idiot.

I used to do html coding. It was awkward and clunky and looked like a fourteen year old had done it. In my defense, though, I was fourteen at the time. I’m not stupid, I know how layouts and some coding works and I do know how to use Google to research what I need to be able to do other things. 

But freaking wordpress is a dead end? 

The problem may be that I don’t know what to call what I want to do. That happens all the time. I’m not entrenched in the world, I don’t know the jargon, it happens. 

But when your sample overlaid on my blog has the wheeling in and out of the blog posts, I expect the live version to do the same! 

Even researching the theme by name and asking for help, I got ads for the theme instead. I got places to purchase the theme, none of which appear to be the theme I’m looking for despite altering my terms to include wordpress. 

So, apparently, overnight my blog had no blog posts. Or pages. Or anything. Not because I set it and just walked away, I had been playing with it. But I thought at least the recent posts had taken to the sidebar.

I just want to shout at my screen, but as the floor/ceiling of my apartment is thin, I don’t want to wake anyone up. 

And the above? Is a portfolio. I thought if I added it, I’d be able to link it to the front page. Why allow me to host portfolios if you aren’t going to let me link them directly to the front page? Why would I go through a secondary page to link to a specialized page in the..

 Ugh.

Don’t worry, I’m not just going to keep screaming at my screen. I’m going to look into a new theme. Several of them did boast about the portfolios being shown off on the home page and I’m hoping they aren’t jerking me around, or are stripped away to nothing by wordpress’s  “customization” option. Remember years ago when customization on a blog meant actual customization? When did wordpress become LiveJournal?

Contracted

The Contracted series is set some two hundred years in the future, after an economic collapse caused countries to fall and new ones to rise up in their place. The new world order is divided by a debt line. Those who owe debt are poor people, sometimes called debtees. Those above the line are called rich people, even though they vary from the poverty line all the way up to the rich elite. The rich offer contracts to the poor, to help them get out of debt.

The first trilogy revolves around Isabella Martin, and what happens after she takes a blank slate contract from Nathaniel Edwards.

 

ContractTaken   Broken   Renewed

As of June 2017, the first trilogy is available through most major retailers, including Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, and iTunes.

 

The second trilogy is being written as of 2017, and revolves around Nate and his Master. Please note: this trilogy involves male on male interaction. If this is not what you crave, but you’d like to see another trilogy in this world, please contact me with a request.

 

               Contract Signed                 Contract Sealed               Contract Delivered

 

There are two other stories in this series to be told. One is a full-length novel, currently written and awaiting the release of the second Contracted trilogy.

Contract Claimed takes place some decade or so after the events of the first trilogy, and follows the life altering events of Will, an orphan from the slums, after he meets Mr. Wrightworth during a night out on the town. Please note: this book involves male on male interaction. If this is not what you crave, but you’d like to see another trilogy in this world, please contact me with a request.

Contract Gifted is a planned novella. It takes place in an uncertain time, after the events of the first two trilogies and I think after Contract Claimed. It’s Nicole’s birthday, and her unofficially adopted family have all cancelled plans to celebrate at the last minute. She heads home, determined to drink herself into a bathtub filled with bubbles and hot water, only to find an intruder in her home.

Tied to a chair in nothing more than a big red bow, with a note on him: To be used as Mistress sees fit.

When the Words dry up

Bad words, bad, bad words.

Normally I use that sentence in place of a curse word, but this time around, I’m chastising the words that I’ve been chasing around for the past week. 

Some people call it writer’s block, I call it hypergraphia. 

I’m not just prolific, I have a need to write nearly everything down, otherwise it becomes painful. I physically ache when I can’t write when I need to. I’ve learned to offset it over the years, manipulating myself to keep from going completely mad and writing on the walls.

For me, it swings like a bipolar. There are periods of lots and lots of writing, then periods of nothing. At some point over the next couple weeks I’m going to hate anything to do with words. Mainly the written word, but verbal communication will fall drastically as well.

I’ve been trying to push through and finish Death Mask in the mean time. There’s a period of time after, as it’s coming back, that I read everything I can get my hands on. Last year during such a period, I did editing on the Contracted series. 

One of my bosses, years ago, said something that has always stuck with me: use your people to their strengths. Don’t put someone in sales who isn’t great at sales, put them on setup where they can achieve more and are happier.

When it comes to managing yourself, it’s the same thing. Know your strengths and weaknesses, know when you’ve reached your limit and when you need to wear a different hat for a little bit. I could just try and try and try to write. Just do that for the next year and end up maybe completing Death Mask in the next twelve months. 

That would be a chapter every two months for those who may be counting.

Or I can take a break and recharge my batteries. I know the fastest way to swing myself back around is to basically look like someone with no attention span. My favourite way of doing this is to watch something on the television while playing a game and reading a book at the same time. After a day of that the thrum starts up again, but it takes about six days straight for me to start that twitch and to rage quit all the things and go back to writing. 

I didn’t write while in Cuba, but it’s time for a break. I can’t just walk away from all this for a month. For starters, that’s a bad thing to do. It’s also just not possible for me to shut down the indie author in me, not without a bunch of alcohol. I’d rather not do that.

But I don’t want to market and I don’t have a book to edit. 

Do I? 

Oh, I could edit Contract Signed. That’s a thought that could work out. 

I will still have Death Mask with me and available to write. I will even look at it every day and on each commute. This time around I just wanted to huck my phone across the room. I wanted to play a game or something. 

I don’t have a game. Writing a blog post instead, just because I can’t handle that but I feel guilty for not working on it. I had such a great start yesterday before work. Then my day just killed my brain.

In the mean time, as I struggle with finishing a book that should have been done two weeks ago, I’m going to see about a website. Maybe pre-made covers and graphics as well. Maybe even the cover for Death Mask, that needs to be done and I can do it all without doing the words. 

So much for two trilogies in six months. Stupid, broken brain. 

I realize that without that brain being damaged the way it is, I wouldn’t be the author that I am. I get that, I do. And I know there needs to be balance, but I want to write. I have ideas this time, I have the plot written out! 

But my words have failed me. I stare mutely at my blinking cursor and just want to cry because I can see it, I can hear it, but it won’t come out of my head. 

So I have to wait. I have to sit on my stories and hold my own hand even though I want to shout and scream at myself. I know it’s not because I’m lazy, I know it’s not because I’m not ambitious enough or don’t have the time. It’s simply because I’m broken and it’s not the kind of broken that I can piece back together. 

That frustration isn’t going to help me any. 

Sometimes it’s hard to be kind to yourself, because you have plans and want to go places and do things but you just can’t. I’m more forgiving of other people’s mental health than I am of my own. I shouldn’t be surprised by that fact, but I am. 

And I know I need to take care of myself before I look outward on the world and try to make a change in what I see. That’s what I’ll do, but in that conflicted, “I’m upset because I’m crying because I’m angry with you because you worried me,” sort of way.