Grim Updates

Grim Haven is about halfway through the second edit. There are definitely fewer issues to fix. The book was written when I was about halfway through the first semester of my course.

The course which involves writing and formatting classes. Thanks to the formatting classes I’m having fewer issues with double checking things or flipping about the book while also saving time at the end for formatting.

This mildly played into my choice to stay in the course. The fact that the idea of working in an office hasn’t lost its appeal after six and a half months of work and school and all the rest was a larger factor, along with the fact that it’s in medical which, don’t ask me why, is very interesting to me.

So today is my re-dedication to school, except I am a lot more aware of my attention problem so I need to figure out how to handle that. In a normal work environment I’d find something to do. In a classroom environment it’s a lot harder.

I might have ADHD, but would need a doctor to talk to, to go over my symptoms and figure it out. What brought that thought to my head was sitting across from someone who does have it and is relatively… controlled, I guess? She knows she’s like that and she never stops. I’ve seen those same symptoms and movements in myself.

Sometimes mental health problems can be used to your advantage.

Would also explain the weird tangents I get off on.

At work yesterday I went to do something and nothing was where it was supposed to be. Every time I reached, what I needed wasn’t just in the wrong place, most of it was full on missing. So I’d slip into a very specific mode and get ganked out of it, then I’d think it was settled and slip back in and get ganked back out.

I got mad.

Which is apparently a sign of ADHD, when something’s supposed to be there and isn’t. I did not know that, I thought I was just very particular in an eccentric way.

My frustrated reached the point where I had a hypergraphic episode on the job and wrote it out before the words began hurting inside my head. I was going to get rid of the evidence like I do any of my episodes because they rarely make sense and they’re impulsive explosions of messy writing with no point.

Except someone walked in and rather than speak to me (like everyone else has in the history of my episodes at work) she read the note. So I had to leave it there even though I didn’t want to.

Because my hypergraphic episodes are not how we deal with things at work. My manic episodes aren’t how we deal with things at work, but, hey, I get stuff done.

Today I feel tired and defeated, but the hypergraphic is still there. That causes and groan and curse from me because it was caused off the side, a boom and me getting hit by a train which means I can’t redirect that energy toward a story. It’s not…

I hate when I get like this.

In… words something of that… I think I’m going to make myself a journal the way I did my writing journal and then just journal my days away. Well, probably not all of them. But then when I get like this I can just let the ink bleed all over the page and get all the words out instead of having them continue to swirl around in my mind, picking away at pieces of me, ripping my being apart.

The short of this is: had a hypergraphic episode, my attention problems are flaring up into the manic spectrum of what they get, and all I have to focus on is Grim Haven but even focusing on that is difficult.

Oh… right, and once I’m done with editing these books on my list I’m going to refocus on the romantic side of my worlds for a while. I love vampires, but have to write to market. I’m sure I can manage to write to market while still staying true to me, considering I did it before, but I just need to figure out the how.

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