Or, in Other Words: QUIT SPAMMING ME


To all the indie authors on Twitter: I get it.


I keep receiving direct messages on Twitter that are automated. If you actually take the time to write a message, it’s a lot more obvious.

Now, for one. Twitter has a rule where you have to allow users to opt out of receiving your messages. Crowdfire does not. I’ve reported them to Twitter, fuck you crowdfire.

I’ve also been reporting every message I received from their automated system as spam.

I will never use their services. I do not appreciate their services. You know what I appreciate? SocialOomph, I believe is the app. They allow you to send direct, automated messages but also do due diligence and allow people to opt out entirely.

So you don’t want to receive a Twitter direct message that reads something like, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? FUCK SPAM AND FUCK YOU,” don’t use Crowdfire.

Because I’m reaching that point. When I contacted Crowdifre, I believe they lol’ed and told me that unsubscribing from automated direct messages wasn’t their thing.

… I kind of hope I become something just so I can be like “screw crowdfire!”

Guys, just… just like obey the community rules and don’t be a douchebag, okay?

I’ve received some auto-messages that aren’t tagged as to an actual auto service. This could be the author with a copy and paste. Which is fantastic dedication!

My response is to basically imitate them almost to the letter. However they ship their stuff, I ship mine directly back, but substitute my story for theirs. So far there have been a bunch of messages and about twenty percent have turned around on me.

So, to all you indie authors out there. Be sarcastic just slightly and respond in just that tone to your spammers. Some of them are real, some of them will respond.

I got two pre-orders after a snarky snarl at someone I thought was an auto-message asking me to retweet their pinned tweet. Of course, my response was to retweet mine first! Within two minutes of sending the tweet, I was retweeted (thank you, kind stranger!). I did, of course, return the favour.

I have followed someone who said something like, “retweet me and I’ll retweet you.” So I took them up on the offer. They retweeted me twice. Two different tweets, of course.

The problem with auto-tweets is that the way I find my followers is by looking into my genres. I follow those people. There are some who follow me randomly, but as I have no books published so far, I tend not to follow them back. I tried that today, re-following an unknown.

She claimed she spoke to a close friend of mine, who told me I’d be interested.

I reported her as a spammer. Urgh, so annoying.

As indie authors we are tossed all kinds of helpful “hints” but it seems fewer and fewer actually stop and consider how much of a narcissistic asshole you need to be to actually follow that advise.

Spamming all the people who follow you on Twitter is not going to help you. I will not buy your book because you spammed me. You have three thousand followers, they’re probably all indie authors. Stop telling people to buy your book.

Not because your book isn’t worth it, but because you’re sending auto messages to people on freaking twitter.


Contact me and tell me to re-tweet your thing, I probably will on the condition of… retweeting my pinned tweet.

So, basically. If you are going to auto message, me it should read “hey, retweet my pinned tweet and I’ll retweet yours.” But so fucking help me if you don’t. I will be upset, I will remember it.

And I’m totally going to be someone and something one day and I’ll matter to people. Important people and we’ll just make sure everyone knows how you can’t be trusted to keep your word and you’ll never sell anything ’cause we’ll blacklist you.

*the last paragraph, while hopeful, was written with the full understanding that the world and life sucks, and the author has not written the next Fifty Shades of Grey.


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