Tag: writing

Changes

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

Harvest is live on all sites. I suggest grabbing it and all the Coffee and Blood series if you prefer Apple, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, or Smashwords.

I will be pulling Coffee and Blood to go into Kindle Unlimited next Sunday, January 6. Do I regret this decision as both a reader and a person?

Yes.

But as the owner of the small business that is my writing, it makes more financial sense to return to Kindle Unlimited at this time. It is a bone in my throat and it still sticks, but I need to make income to move forward with my plans for world domination.

In order to be available outside of Amazon, I need to get my print books back up to snuff and ready for purchase. Those can be bought on all sites, in all stores. It’s just the e-books that are restricted.

Grim Travels isn’t finished yet. It kind of feels like my body is cramming three months of illness into three weeks and I just feel like warmed up poo.

The covers for Wraith’s Rebellion haven’t been redone/finished yet.

Hera hasn’t begun edits yet.

I’m behind on everything.

But at work the shop/area didn’t fall behind solely because of my work. For the first time since starting work for my company I said that out loud. When someone praised that it was caught up, I made certain they knew it was by my hard work.

I’m angry that my dreams and wants were put on hold because of the laziness of others, or the sheer audacity to try to tell me that we didn’t have that discussion last week and six weeks ago. That I didn’t try to give them the tools they needed to succeed, only to be ignored.

And so, my wants and desires went on hold again because I cannot see a situation like that, where hundreds of bystanders are affected, their Christmases ‘ruined’ because of nepotism or laziness. So I fixed it, again.

But if that wasn’t the kind of person I was, there’s no way I could do what I do. I don’t mean for my company, I mean for me. If I wasn’t that determined bundle of raging energy, I would have been stomped to nothing years ago and have absolutely nothing left to give me. The thing is, I want more to give me. I want me to be my first priority and I want the ability to be able to do things for me.

I deserve good things. I deserve good pay for good work, I deserve not to be trounced upon because of the way things were done before, or because someone else made a mistake or neglected to do something. That’s not my fault.

Which is why I spoke up this year after twelve years of working like that, of being the reason why things succeeded only to have others reap the benefits of my time and life.

I’m going a little crazy. I’m more than a little overworked, and people like to be ungrateful brats about it.

So I’m going to Mexico in June, even if I have to go by myself. A five-star resort. And if I go by myself I’m getting the room with the private Jacuzzi. Although, now that I say that, I’m sitting here thinking that’s a terrible idea considering the fact that in June it’s supposed to actually be hot.

They said it would be hot in April and it had its moments, yes, but especially in the morning or sitting around the pool, I wanted more heat so, you know, June could be great.

The secondary boss is back Wednesday. That’s good, really. But there’s still no new manager for the area I’ve been covering.

I’m going to book time off work in March and June. I should still have a week’s worth of hours after that. Maybe I’ll take a week in August and go beach hopping or something. If I plan it right, I wonder if I could get more than a week off.

I can always hope that switching to Kindle Unlimited goes better than expected and I can take another week off based just on royalties across a month paying for that week off.

Update

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

Writing:

Tonight I’m going to be doing chapter titles for Harvest and formatting to get that up. Today I’m supposed to go back to Grim Travels but see below for why that might not happen today.

I’ve been debating putting all of my books back into KDP Select. I know this will affect certain readers. I know I have some readers who are from Apple, at least one from Smashwords who purchases every time I release a book and that’s great. I love that I’ve reached more people.

But from a business standpoint, I’m having difficulty explaining staying in wide distribution when my income from writing has taken a sharp decline since removing myself from KDP Select. I don’t like the idea of returning based on their customer service and how they treat authors, how they may be undercutting us by not reporting specific sales, and how they’ve created certain systems which inaccurately report page reads and they know it’s a problem but refuse to correct it.

Oh, and because us authors suspect that Amazon is using our funds to make their big purchases. You know, all those things Amazon has started doing like real stores and buying up companies?

Why would we think that? Because Amazon is like the biggest dick out there to authors, with Facebook snitching to Amazon anytime it sees one of us managing an author page where someone who left a review on Amazon has also liked our page.

Yeah, you lose reviews that way.

Anyway, so, obviously I’m having a debate and it’s stalling me from making the decision but, whatever. It’s really easy to remove from wide distribution because surprise, surprise, my wide distributor cares what authors think or want and the moment you click that unpublish button they send out to all the other sites. It takes an hour or so for it to all come down.

Contract Taken has been wide for almost two years and still hasn’t gained enough reviews on Apple Books to show any of the reviews. I do like that Apple waits until you have at least ten, to balance that all out, but it looks like I wrote something that no one is interested in.

It’s something I have to decide and I’ve yet to be able to make up my mind. But if I decide to do it, it wouldn’t be until after the launch of Harvest.

For personal…

I feel like poo. Nauseous, aching, exhausted, weird headache, lethargy… Might be sick. Might also just be stressed out. Might just be tired.

Might have eaten a bug.

Some mornings I just can’t get food into me, I’ve learned not to force myself too much otherwise I’ll make myself sick so I keep a little plastic container with almonds in it. It’s from Ziploc brand, so we’re not talking cheap as far as those go.

As I ate an almond this morning, I saw what looked like spiderwebs. So I shifted it about because I don’t want to put my fingers near a spider. I hear black widows live in this general area. I saw nothing so I popped another in my mouth and happened to glance at the lid. There was a white thing there.

I basically think it’s an egg sac and pick it up to look. Nope, some kind of larvae.

Fuck.

I spat it out into the container and took a wander down to the halfway cafe to pick up junk food for breakfast, which I really didn’t want.

So that was my morning, but I felt sick like that before I found the bug.

This is the last week of classes, in fact it’s today and tomorrow, then exams the rest of the week. Then it’s into 40hrs/wk for three weeks. My first day off is next Monday. I have one close shift, two mid-shifts, and two morning shifts.

I hate mid-shifts because I feel like all I do is work, like there’s no time around it to do anything, but I’d rather a mid-shift to a close at this point. The one close is fine, it’s something like 3pm -… midnight? I don’t even remember.

Ain’t nobody need crafts that late!

If you do, I think you may have a problem.

As an introvert, I’m super done with all this bullshit. Getting my stuff from my locker, I heard the loud extrovert from the lockers. She was in the classroom, which is at the end of the hallway and I sighed and swore.

There’s nothing wrong with her, don’t take it that way. It’s that I want quiet and just for people to shush. Just shush. Leave me alone.

She does a good job at that, but I can hear her until I crank up my music and I’m reaching the point where I just want to sit in silence.

And I still have to go Christmas shopping for two people. Do you know how close to Christmas it is? How busy it will be? Ugh. I hate the Christmas shopping rush. I like Christmas, hate the commercialization and crazy, stupid things people do. Hate how they try to walk through me, snarl at me, hit me with a cart, or generally just get themselves so worked up that I’m uncomfortable with the idea of going to get St. John’s Wort from my usual place because it’s sure to be packed.

 

Update

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

The read edit of Harvest is done, I’m about halfway through putting the edits into the book. I had been hoping to have it done by today, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ve also re-written the introduction for Hera and edited it, so it can slip right in there once it’s done.

I’m thinking in covers, but I’m thinking in covers instead of words because of the pain I’m in.

Turns out, I can’t shovel a driveway. It wasn’t even that big of a spot! Just the end of the driveway so I could get my car out to go to work early. My back, hips, and shoulders put me in absolute agony.

So, for less than it takes to fill half my tank (I found out on Saturday) I put myself in agony that hasn’t stopped yet. And trust me, I’m not feeling like it’s worth it or that I did a good thing. I wound up leaving work Saturday night so I actually lost hours last week.

Yay.

If it weren’t for having this weird ‘saving bot’ attached to my account, I’d be in full panic mode over Christmas right now. What with the money situation and my stress over spending money.

Almost everyone is getting alcohol. Sure, I wish I could do, like, handmade, thoughtful gifts, but I just don’t have the time, energy, or thought process to figure it all out. This morning, though, I had that weird flickering.

It’s been years since I bought a gift for someone and they actually reciprocated, and money isn’t raining off trees or anything of that sort for me. So there’s this voice at the back of my mind being a petty little bitch and saying I’ll get nothing.

Naw, voice, I got a bottle of rum.

Why rum? Because it seemed like a holiday drink type of thing. And eggnog. And hot chocolate. White rum in a hot chocolate is quite divine. But also, it was part of a package deal the liqour store was having. Purchasing gifts put me in just below the of four by like $6 so… basically I got rum for $6.

And I don’t plan to drink it all myself. Still have tequila and a bottle of wine left. It’s some good wine too, a pinot noir.

I keep forgetting to ask if they do stockings.

But I should really do my own stocking. I mean, I have certain traditions and traditions and rituals are important when you’re stressed out. So I should fill my own stocking. It’s all really basic stuff, but still.

Yeah, I should do that.

I’ve got a couple of presents left to get but my little saving bot has more than I will need. Which is good. That means I’ll just leave the money there for next year. You don’t have to spend everything you save up for Christmas. For all I know one of the cats might explode come January and I’ll need money for that.

Although the saving bot wouldn’t have enough to do that, but it’d go a long way to making me not lose my freaking mind.

School ends next week. Our last day of class is Tuesday, then it’s tests the rest of the week. Only five in total and I think we’ve reached the point where I’m obtaining a good grade no matter what, so I’ve got that going for me.

On Friday we’re having a pot luck, of course all the instructors were invited. They claimed we are their favourites and for the most part we haven’t believed that because instructors are like parents, they aren’t supposed to play favourites.

The other junior class (is for a slightly different program than us, but same core) argues among themselves and are negative toward one another. There are definitely little groups that work well together. I’ve witnessed a thing or two where I was shocked by the response I saw but it didn’t really alter my view of the instructor because I felt the animosity coming from the students.

The senior class (of our program) is… uh… they are fractured. We spoke to one briefly at lunch. She’s not the sort I’d want to work with. As soon as I saw her, I fought back a grimace, but I shut up and let her talk. She coughed phlegm on the floor and was like, ‘oh well,’ to which one of my friends looked absolutely furious, but in the defense of the friend, this  person very nearly coughed that on her. I’d be furious too.

She had nothing really positive to say. She had a job from the end of first year. In a clinic. So, doing the thing she was training to do. And she had nothing positive or nice to say. She hasn’t even graduated yet and she already sounds like she’s a decade in at a bad job.

Apparently most of our job is babysitting doctors and being their eyes.

She said as if there were no otherworldly outcome of her job. Not even like the wage (or salary) is worth the effort of getting out of bed in the morning.

Now, she’s still working said job. So it’s possible that she’s burnt out between the two of them. Maybe she was having a bad day but it just… I’ve seen her in the halls before and I don’t feel like that’s the answer. I feel like she’s always like that. A little negative and a little bitter and just wearing on the ego and psyche.

She’s not my friend though, so there’s that.

Rumour is, on our last math test someone wrote “I don’t know” on a 25pt question. Like, a quarter of the test and you just write it all off. One of my friends tried and is stressing because she didn’t get the same answer, but I think I know how she messed up and it was in the last step. I keep telling her 24/25 isn’t bad.

Especially compared to the rumour.

Courses for next semester aren’t available yet. But thanks to the one from the senior class we know there’s a presentation class.

I’m going to be a freaking administrative professional. Know the impolite term for my job? Secretary.

Why does a secretary need to know how to do presentations? Why do I need to do a presentation?

Fear of public speaking, I’ve never been good at that sort of thing. Crap, but I suppose as an indie author I could use that skill in many different ways.

This is the point where I sigh loudly and tell them to lay it on me.

Found an instructor and who I think is a senior student in the bathroom gossiping about a student in my class. It wasn’t anything bad at all, but ladies, come on. Suffice to say, said student is making an impression. I had a flare of jealousy because I am human, darn it, sometimes that icy heart of mine expresses emotion.

And then it faded away.

Look, I can spend my time being bitter and grumpy about the fact that someone else is being noticed, or I can shut up and take notice myself. She’s being noticed in a positive way. How can I learn from her to also be noticed in a more positive light instead of being the person whose only interesting fact or claim to fame are nineteen published books that don’t pay the bills?

Over the Christmas holiday I’m still in the shop, but I’ve been asked to take a step back. Not allowed to fix or change anything. I assume I did something wrong, but the boss didn’t say what so I’m not going to pursue it.

I don’t even get that feeling of accomplishment now, so I’ve basically stopped caring.

Oh, I’m doing the work. I’m still out producing everyone else. There’s just no way to shut that down, and since I can stay in the back when I keep up on production, that’s what I’m doing. But since I don’t actually receive any compensation for working harder… and it’s not going to be reflected on my record. It’s not going to determine a better pay increase… Why?

This isn’t the first time the company has expected more of me for the same amount. I feel like they’re counting down until I’m gone and they can replace me with someone cheaper.

It’s twelve months, by the way.

I just… I don’t feel like the company cares that I’ve served loyally for such and so many years, or that they can rely on me to pick up the pieces when three out of five managers suddenly quit. Or the store manager goes on leave and no one else will step up to fill the role temporarily, or someone calls in sick half an hour before her closing shift because she knows I’m the only one in.

Stuff goes wrong, my company turns to me instead of others in the store and I keep saying I’m just going to let them sink but then I wind up doing it anyhow.

I need time off. I need a break. I mean, the last vacation I got was back in May. Normally I take two weeks about six months apart. So, I suppose I should be thankful I haven’t gone full feral and started chewing my own leg off.

But what I get is maybe two days a week, Mondays and Tuesdays, because I set up my availability that way. Because I need the money and because …. stupid. Just freaking stupid. Stupid and stupid some more.

376 days to the end of my program. To a better job, which pays better and expects less of me, that’s challenging in a new way.

I need to look into an actual vacation. Wonder how much it would cost to head to P.E.I. for a week. Not right now, I’m not setting foot on that bridge until spring. If I went in a tent it’d probably be super cheap.

Then again, if I can’t shovel a driveway, I probably can’t pop a tent.

Stupid, broken body.

Update

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

I’m definitely coming down with a cold. So exhausted even while in bed.

This weekend just killed me creatively. I had to look at my plan and then put the entire thing on hold. Turns out, I’m working full-time hours around school. Now, I can’t put either of those on hold. If I did that with work it would require stepping down and, frankly, I need the hours. So I’m going to take them where I can.

And school holds the promise of  a position with regularly scheduled hours that don’t increase around the holidays (though I know it’ll be hectic around them) that comes with benefits and a pay increase. So, I need to pay attention there and do as well as I can.

Which leaves, as I stated before, the writing to suffer.

My plan for the year has to go on hold. Grim Travels is seven chapters in and I basically have to stop. I’m still going to aim for 50k words to ‘win’ NaNoWriMo, but  I don’t think I’ll actually make it.

Starting tomorrow, I’m back to doing the read edit of Harvest. Once I’m done that, I’ll likely return to Grim Travels, which I want done still. With the Grim trilogy written I will turn to editing.

Edit Hera, and the Grim Trilogy. Then I’ll see where I’m at and how it’s going. I could just launch right into editing Nate’s Story. If I can arrange for all of them, I think I’m one project shy of publishing a something each month next year. That’s still not bad. That’s nothing to thumb my nose about.

Because I’m sick and I’m tired and I’m just not feeling well, I’ve started reading some old stories. And when I say old, I mean old. Like a decade ago?

I like the stories, I hate the writing. I want to re-write the stories because I want to read them in proper form.

Except, that’s a stupid thing to do, right? Re-write a story just so I can read it? Pfft.

So I may, maybe, work on that instead of new books after the Grim Trilogy is complete. I would really like to write Dire Consequences (D.o.t.A 3) but I need to figure out how and where and what. So, basically everything except the plot has to be figured out. Maybe next August, or July? I just don’t know right now.

But my plan has shifted and changed. Editing is much less work for me, though it’s also more at the same time, if that makes sense? It takes more out of me to write than it does to edit. Editing, at least, I can put down and come back to later without worrying about losing my place. And, this way, I get that backlog almost cleared out.

I just want to sleep the whole day away.

For some reason I suddenly feel like I should do that with a bucket… ew.

Grim Update Two

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

I am coming down with a cold, an arthritis flare up started, and a blizzard is expected today. To say I’m not having a good week is about right. I mean, a good writing week. The blizzard isn’t helping matters.

Considering the college isn’t closing and work isn’t closing and we’re expecting 20 – 25 cm of snow (that’s something like 8 – 10 inches for you Americans out there) and the clearance on my car is more like 15cm (or about 6 inches).

“Don’t approach shop lifters, your life is more important than our product.”

“Even in a blizzard you are working, people still need craft supplies.”

No, no, you can’t say the one and then not the other. But it basically amounts to: my work doesn’t want us getting injured on the property but if we die on the way there or out again that’s our own fault even though I’ve had managers in the past threaten to write me up because the snow was hip deep on a full grown man (who was not short) and my car literally could not move.

I mean, it could rock back and forth, of course, but that’s as far as it got.

So, I’m drained from the cold and the pain from the arthritis and when the anxiety started… I was done with this day before I left the house.

I don’t have the option of calling in to work. (see above)

I didn’t have the option of not coming to school. Apparently, a few years ago, the person in charge of all that didn’t shut down the school until taxis and buses also shut down. So there were stranded students sleeping at the school because they had nowhere to go.

I don’t care if we live in Canada, screw you if you do that. Especially with threat of docked marks, black marks on our records, or write ups.

A lot of people are like, “oh, just get a hotel room for the night.”

Do you know how much I make?

Basically, not only do you want me to risk my life, you now want me to pay you so I can work.

I don’t make enough in a shift to pay for a hotel room, I don’t make enough in three freaking shifts to pay for a hotel room. Or a motel room. Or a freaking dog house. Can’t sleep in my car, that’s a good way to die. Can’t spend the night at work because if you do, even if you can’t physically leave the parking lot, you’re fired.

This is so freaking stupid.

The closer you get to the Bay of Fundy, the worse the snowfall will get. Guess who lives closer to the Bay of Fundy.

I’d have no problem if it was 10 cm. I mean, I’d be a little anxious about driving, but I’d know I was getting home.

And with the co-worker gone, I’m now responsible for running her area through peak season. Which means I’m not getting days off. I’m not getting any sort of a break over my winter break.

I look worn out and it’s so fucking stupid. But, hey, at least the store doesn’t suffer and they don’t lose money.

Sometimes I really hate humans. And stupid greed.

Just running that position through peak is stressful, if you want to keep up on things. I can run it and keep it ahead and on time throughout, but I’ve walked into someplace that’s behind and is continually behind. And I’m already struggling to right things because it’s like any change, no one wants to do it but I’ve got sixteen freaking balls in the air and a seventeenth was added.

At some point, I’m probably going to end up saying, “I don’t care what you think. Do it the company way.”

Except it’d probably come out more like, “I don’t care what you think. Do it the company way.”

I have seventeen balls in the air so the first thing to take a hit would be my writing. And it has, I’m exhausted, though it could just be from the pain and the cold draining me. I don’t get time between school and work because I head to work and start right away because I have to devote as much time as possible.

If it was functioning, yes, a manager wouldn’t be needed. But to get it functioning, you need a full-time manager or people who are willing to change when you say something.

“This is the expectation…”

… I just looked out the window and witnessed what looked like our student body president walking into the school in knee high boots and a skirt that came down to about mid-thigh in a blazer that was open and a blouse underneath. Head down, clearly cold.

But at least you’re fashionable, woman. That’s all that really matters.

Ugh, I’m super anxious and tired and that’s making me bitter and cranky.

Grim Update

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

Well, that sounds ominous, doesn’t it?

But that’s the title of the trilogy, so there’s that.

With the next year set out, I realized I had to make time for updates. I could write until my little heart explodes, it wouldn’t really do much unless I kept everyone up to date on what’s going on.

So, Monday mornings is the update day. Except I had no Monday this week because school was closed for Remembrance Day and work gave me the day off, so I actually had a three day weekend.

Tried to get into a video game, didn’t work, tried pounding through Grim Travels, ugh, did not work. I’m standing about 22k words still. I mean, it’s not bad, but still. I’d like to be further along.

What’s going on? Did I just lose my words or something?

No. I finished Grim Haven on Tuesday, took it and Wednesday off to recuperate. I was ahead, I was feeling good, but I also knew I needed to give myself a little time. Thursday I started writing but we had a test, then we gathered after the test to talk among ourselves out at the tables so I didn’t get much done.

Then I was informed that the troublesome co-worker, who caused anxiety attacks, threw things at other people, and was the cause of that mental breakdown I had at work back when the boss was on vacation, is no longer with the company.

Slight… little bit… of an issue there.

The only one currently capable of filling her position is me. There are all kinds of problems in there, so many issues. So many broken things. So much hoarding going on, things all over.

Oh, and a guy from corporate is visiting. He’s… mean. If he finds out that I was her position and I saw that stuff going on and I didn’t immediately correct it, he’ll take my head off.

I mean, it’s his job, but, come on. Have you met–oh, wait, no, you haven’t.

I will not be paid more for this adventure of mine. No one outside of the store will be grateful for what I’m about to do and some within the store are going to be very upset about it. Because she’s gone and suddenly I’m changing things.

She’s not dead, she’s just no longer with the company. If we look at the health of the shop, we can clearly see that policies aren’t being followed and we have problems in there. I’m just trying to put it to rights before a replacement is found because there’s no way a new person can walk into a shop like that and weather the storm.

More work, no more pay, no bonus of any sort. Oh, and I still have to do my other position. Though we do now have a temporary me, so there’s that little possibility that I won’t have to run two positions at once.

I have no problem proving to the company that the position can be done by a part-time body. I’ve been saying for years that the position is no longer necessary, that, if anything, it could be done by a full-time position, just not a management one. Because there is nothing that body does anymore that can’t be done by someone else without the manager capabilities. They could save a lot of money by switching over.

Could also avoid this happening, because then the manager couldn’t hide in their shops and start stock piling supplies from thirteen years ago. Like, really? Why wouldn’t we… ugh, whatever.

I was told second hand that she was a self-declared hoarder so I don’t feel bad about the literal clean and purge I have to do.

Anyway, you can really tell that it’s consuming my thought process, it’s now at the back of my mind. I have to do this and this and this, and this is how this might be taken, and this is my weakest point in there, and that needs to be handled and this needs to be changed, and oh gosh, what am I walking into after three days away?

All of a sudden, I’m starting to see where I was struggling before. As my part time position, all I need to worry about is me and cleaning the store. That’s getting harder and harder with our busy season coming across us, but being unable to use more bodies, having people just up and quit or not show up, having to swap from one person to another who just doesn’t have the same capabilities as others.

Then I’ve got the writing and school.

How’s school going? Well, about the same.

Writing is officially my worst class. It was a little amusing for me the other day when the instructor said something like, “what you can get away with in fiction writing, you can’t do in business writing, they’ve very different,” but it wasn’t directed at me, it was in answer to why you don’t use and at the beginning of a sentence.

But I like doing that.

And sometimes it helps emphasis a point.

I try to avoid doing that in formal writing, however, as I know it’s not the best. I’ve seen some terrible emails come down from our head office and higher ups, but that doesn’t mean I follow their example.

Math we’re all falling behind. It’s not quite our fault. The instructor was gone for that week and a half or so. The other class is ahead of us now.

Document formatting, I think we’re about to get into stuff I don’t know, but I’m already using this in my writing. Love it, need to pay more attention, not less.

Accounting, my grade has slipped below 99% because I made a silly mistake. Ah, well. It’s just the way of the world sometimes. I enjoy accounting, I do like how even headed the instructor seems and how she gets to the point while giving us the time to practice.

For Interpersonal Communication, I need to edit the book report. I could submit it early but I suspect I’ll be beating my head on a wall for this. I don’t… mind interpersonal communication, but it does make me uncomfortable due to past experience with people ‘helping’ me learn to change. So, there’s that. But thankfully there’s not necessarily a test in the class.

There is something called a reflection paper, and I dun wanna. No reflecting for me! Reflecting is bad.

I’ll still do it, I just feel grumpy about it.

And writing (as in publishing) what’s going on there? Well, Crop is coming out next week. Harvest hasn’t finished its read edit because of the plan I set out. While reviewing the plan for my year, I realized I forgot to include spots to edit the three Wolf books. I have Wolf 1 scheduled, but not the rest.

How exactly was I planning on publishing them next December, if I wasn’t going to edit them?

Ugh, okay, so I changed the plan again, which isn’t a problem really. It’s all penciled in for a reason. I removed D.o.t.A 4 from the writing schedule because it was a spare novel, then I attached Wolf to the second month of summer vacation for editing. Since the first book would be edited, the month should be enough for two, considering I’m planning on editing the entire Nate’s Story trilogy through July only. That seems a might bit ambitious, even for me.

Ah well…

I did start working on a post for The Others. Still struggling a little with how that should go.

Suppose, I should get back to work if I want to finish Grim Travels next week.

Week Eight (Day Five)

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

Fuck this week.

I’m definitely in a mood. Such moodiness from me. I just want to growl, steal a bunch of chocolate and wine, and hide in the corner.

Sooooo…. the work starting in January is likely going to be a Wolf trilogy (previously called Bitches) I both hate and love you for that jab, so thanks.

That takes me writing wise almost to the end of school.

See, the issue is that I can’t write smut while in school. It’s obviously not appropriate, even if I do it on my breaks. So that has to be done while at home and such. I’m pretty freaking good, but I can’t write a book that fast (especially smut) if I’ve only got the time when I’m at home, which is usually an hour or so a day.

So. I’ve got two slots open for un-smutty stories. No, sorry, three.

Hmm, a trilogy would fit in there quite nicely.

Grim Haven is sitting about 70k words right now, so about 70% done. I’m loving this format I’m working with. As that word count goes up in a file I always slow down but because it’s broken up into bits, it’s much faster.

So much faster.

If I can figure out the editing, I now have a freaking problem. A BIG freaking problem.

I have too many books done and ready for publishing. If I do one a month through the year, I’ve got something coming out every month until… oh gosh, June of 2020 or so? Mainly with what’s already written.

Guys, help me figure out faster editing, fer realsies. I’m borderline two books every month and that’s super exciting considering the list I have going. I want all those ideas down and done so that when I sit at my computer I can just snag whatever crazy idea I have.

Like a reverse harem that’s now dancing about because I took it from Daisy. Or that Visitor’s book, or Prototype and all the ones from Aurora.

Omg. Can I just quit and become a hermit and just do this writing thing full time for a year?

No. No, I can’t. But I am determined and ambitious and am trying to look around for solutions.

I’ve got problems, I know I’ve got problems, I’m trying to solve them. Not being able to get over 12k words in a day is a problem for me. Not being able to edit faster, or not being able to ship a story out to an editor, is a problem for me.

I’m in a high word count group and saw they were mentioning some kind of sprint thing over and over again without explaining what it was. So, I asked and basically got eye rolls and “If you’re in *this other group* go there, and look her up.”

Thanks for the non-answer.

When I finally figured it out I realized I’m doing something similar but with short sprints and long gaps because I’m writing on my breaks and then paying attention in class. I commented and said I want to break through the 12k ceiling to which someone told me it was really good to be at 12k and I should be happy.

Yeah, it’s also really good that I had a part-time job, but I’m not going to sit around with a thumb up my ass because it’s really good. I want better. I expect better. Making it past that 12k ceiling is my next level. I’m glad you’d want to plateau but I don’t want to. I want to keep going because I’ve got this and this and this and this.

See what I was saying? I’m mood as all hell.

And ‘thumb up (my) ass’ is a saying my father used to use a lot. And possibly my mother. It’s an actual saying. If you’ve got a thumb up there, you can’t do much besides pleasure yourself? I don’t know where the origin comes from, it just seemed appropriate.

But the response I got was also a non-answer.

I discovered files in Word are supposed to display editing time, so the time you have the file open and as the active window. Except mine displays a big fat 0 while everyone else in the class shows a number.

I looked it up and the only answer I found was “some people are in places where privacy prevents Windows from logging such things,” which is all well and good. Completely understand, except everyone else around me has that number, we all got the program in the same country, we all live in the same country, most of us are citizens of the same country.

So, I asked. They gave me the same response. I supplied the information about my peers and was told that it’s a useless thing anyhow because this and this and this and if I want something that actually works I should go looking for one. Because it. Is. Useless. If you ever leave the computer or forget to close the window.

Thanks for the non-answer.

That’s not what I asked. I didn’t ask for excuses. I didn’t ask to be told how I’m wrong because I want to use this thing.

I freaking asked how to freaking turn the freaking counter on!

“This is how you do it. But I think it’s useless.”

Bam, their answer with what I’m looking for at the same time.

The only fecking answer I got this week was when I fished for editing tips and someone answered me on my personal facebook timeline. Thank you, person, for being the only one this week to actually answer my question.

Suppose it’s time for a school update too, huh?

Four tests this week, Writing was probably the worst. I’m desperately trying to pay attention in these classes but I’ve found myself gazing out the window in a daze. Physically I’m tired and emotionally I’m exhausted. Mentally I’m still here and alert but I’ve just had such trouble paying attention to anything for long.

In Document Formatting we’re starting to get into things I don’t know much about. You’d think that’d make me perk up but I almost fell asleep. The instructor does not have a quiet voice, she has us doing things through the course, basically doing what’s she’s teaching on our screens so we get the experience.

You’d think I’d be very alert.

Nope.

And Writing? We’re starting on punctuation and such. And you’d think, really think that because I want to improve my editing skills and get quicker at it that I’d be very alert during that class and reading all the things.

Nope.

Math I pay attention in though. Not a clue why. I mean, I like math in general, but I also like document formatting and writing sooooo… of all the things not to pay attention to, I’d think my brain would lapse at Math.

Nope.

Interpersonal Communication seems to be going okay. I’m trying to, you know, talk to people and such. But weeks like this one are hard.

When people interrupt me, give me the dead eyes look as they just sort of stare past me, ignore what I’m saying, tell me I’m wrong, give me non-answers.

I think I’m worn out again, emotionally. I had a day off just this past Sunday, but I used that time to rewrite blurbs on most of my books. Even that is emotionally wearing for me. My next day off is next Saturday. I’ll have two days off in a row. I think a bath and wine are calling my name again. Time for some self-care.

And, in the mean time, I’m going to keep writing. Because some people knit when stressed out.

I write.

Year End Review

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

My publication anniversary is here. Technically past but that’s fine, we’ll work with a generalized idea of it.

First off, let’s do inventory.

Last year about this time, I started my 12-in-12 challenge, meaning to write a book a month. Technically I have one more day to finish. I think I’m shy by one book, but my numbers keep slipping all over the place. It’s expected, but whatever, it’s close enough, right?

Published this year:

His Grace Oct. 25, 2017

Contract Gifted April 7, 2018

His Wings April 8, 2018

Fragments May 9, 2018

Isabella’s Story (boxset) Oct. 6, 2018

Seed Oct. 15, 2018

Published “next” year:

Crop Nov. 22, 2018

Harvest Dec. 31, 2018

Wraith’s Rebellion (box set) Jan. 2019

The Reaping (box set) Feb. 2019

Written this year:

Contract Claimed -NaNoWriMo appr. 89k words

Contract Sealed – Dec appr. 20k words

His Wing – Jan approx. 87k words edited and published

Contract Delivered – appr. 70k words

Crop – appr. 87k words (finished about 104k) edited and published

Harvest -appr. 90k words (finished about 108k) edited and published

The Last Prophet – appr. 90k words mild editing

Hera – July appr. 97k words beta read

Contract Gifted – appr. 25k words edited and published

Grim Port – Oct. appr. 101k words

Plotted out:

D.o.t.A. books x 4 (I cannot recall their names)

Savage Shores – m/f alien interaction on a giant paradise ship.

Contract Unspoken – m/m smutty novella of Mr. Wrightworth and an unnamed slave

Elysia – an Elders book about Elysia finding Kaz and turning her, though told from his perspective.

The Special Boy – a Coven book set in the Coffee and Blood world about the grown male witch

Grim Haven/Grim Travels – two books to fill out the Grim trilogy set in Scotland

In Planning:

Bob – (Coffee and Blood) an ‘Elders’ book, as Bob is technically an Elder, about Vampire Las Vegas. South American setting.

Ba En Ra – (Coffee and Blood) a trilogy set in the Ba En Ra family, said to be located in or around Egypt, where they lived for tens of thousands of years.

The Rebellion – (Coffee and Blood) a trilogy wrapped around the werewolves and witches and a treaty they are in the process of forming.

Bitches – (Coffee and Blood) I don’t care what the freaking wolves say, this title has to change. This is a couple of stories, or maybe a trilogy wrapped around Daisy and her adventures. I’ve given her a nudge and she might find herself in Mungo’s path. That’ll make sense later on.

Duality – (solo world) a book or series set around a world where mages need to pair off in order to access their magic.

Shade – (solo world) a series of random books of varying lengths about an immortal named Shade.

Savage Shores – this is supposed to be a series following the consequences of the book.

Alpha – a set of three smutty m/m novellas revolving around the ‘adoption’ of a new companion by an Alpha who has two already. They would then be released in a set. The series would continue on.

Something is missing. Maybe December was finishing off Contract Signed. It would take about four hours for me to find the information and then I’d get lost down the rabbit hole.

In the last year I’ve also moved, gone back to school, moved from full time to part time work, adopted a cat, got my license back… been making my own covers.  I like the cover making, but I need more experience and practice before I start selling, I think. I always think that, so we’ll see how it goes.

Cover design takes hours at a desktop, though. I don’t have that time. So no arts and crafts for me.

So…

What do I want to do in the next year? What do I want to see?

I want more than five books published. I want the entire backlog edited and published. I want to keep writing as fast as I am, so one or more books written a month.

I need to set a clear goal but I think I need to think on this more. Just like I did last year, I want to set up the books for writing and editing and such on. I want it all listed out.

Right now, let’s focus on right now: Finishing the Grim trilogy. Write that sucker. I could be done in two weeks with some pushing.

Once finished the Grim trilogy, finish reading Harvest. Grab Hera and do a read, then start the plot edits then do other edits. Grab the Grim trilogy as a whole. Read it all, do plot edits. Then start actual edits on the trilogy.

Given time and how things are falling into place, I’m actually hoping to have that almost done by January 7th when I go back to school.

So, my real hope is that my next year will look like this:

January: Wraith’s Rebellion box set

February: The Reaping box set

March: Hera

April: Grim Port

May: Grim Haven

June: Grim Travels

July: Grim box set

… and then? I dunno, but that would get me four out of 7+ books. Dum, dum, dum, what do I do then? I’m definitely on a Coffee and Blood kick but they don’t draw a lot of income so far.

Except I freaking love them. You know, if you couldn’t tell. Those who read them seem to like them, which is fantastic. I just need more readers.

So… oh, D.o.t.A, I guess.

 

 

Week Eight

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

Quick updated, I guess this is.

Mid-terms are this week and I’m thoroughly bored with school and trying to pay attention so I’ve started Grim Haven, writing on breaks and the like. I then wind up paying attention in class so that I can get the homework done the first time without having to redo it because I read through too quickly or something. Chapter seven is about to start so 30k words since Wednesday at lunch or so.

It was a long week, starting on Tuesday for work. The assistant has had to request a leave of absence and will be gone through most of our busy season. We have a new full-time of my position, which is good, except she’s still learning and we can’t lean on her. There’s also the problem co-worker but we can’t lean on her either.

Which leaves two functioning members able to do things like opening and closing. Me and the boss. So, with the new one off next week for training in another store, which thankfully is in their slow period due to their location and the fact that everyone travels south from them for the winter, she’s working something like… three weeks in a row?

Then she’s off because she booked time off before and tickets are already booked, or else her time off would probably be cancelled. Then she gets stats off basically.

Oh. My. God.

All I’m thinking about is how crazy I got doing the same thing. I like her, I respect her, I don’t want her to suffer just so I can be comfortable so I’ll be doing basically whatever she needs me to do over the next six to eight weeks.

So… I could be working Tuesday to Sunday and only have Monday’s off. She’s going to probably give me every other Sunday off because we did discuss how I can’t do that again because I go freaking crazy and just can’t do it again.

In school it’s all simple for me (for now) and we’re taking tests all this week so last week was so boring. We were reviewing and I knew the stuff and I’m struggling to stay focused in class because what if I miss something, right? I’d rather get it down now than struggle on the job. Which was why I started writing Grim Haven. It’s a weird thing, but it works so I’m going with it.

But due to work, I’m not at 50 or 60k words like I was with Grim Port after the same number of days.

With that all coming up, there’s been a change to the plan.

See, I have three weeks in December. Grim Travels will be done in that time. Which means I’ll be sitting on a lot more books.

Hera needs to be edited and published before the Grim books. So what is it now? Box set of Wraith’s Rebellion in January, Box set of The Reaping in February. Hera in March, then Grim from April to June and the box set in July. I’m desperately wishing for an editor and cover designer now.

I’ve got all these books on backlog but haven’t the inclination to edit them, I just want to write more. Which, I mean, in a way is good. But because of my position and how things are going, I can’t just not edit.

My beta is a lot of help, but she can only work if the freaking printer works. And no one in town seems to have ink! I went to exchange a non-functioning cartridge and they were out of ink again, they had to give me a refund even though it was against store policy. I mean, all I was going to ask was if I could come back with the cartridge in a few days and exchange it then because they said they were going to receive a shipment.

I might have a line on an inexpensive cover designer who does good work, so the styles could be changing some, but that’s actually the part I like the most. Of the two, I meant, editing and cover design, I prefer doing cover design, I just don’t have the time for it like I thought I would. I have to be at the computer and the computer has to be behaving, otherwise I have long gaps where I can’t get anything done because the program is thinking because the hard drive is a piece because it’s an Acer.

I really hope I can afford an SSD drive for my next computer. That would be just fantastic.

 

Week Seven

Posted on by Aya DeAniege

Sorry for the absence here. Those who follow my Facebook Page have probably been following along over the past nine days and what a doozy it’s been.

Had a hypergraphic episode. It probably ended Friday, but I was about halfway through then so I figured I’d push on through. Might have hit again today, but that was also likely triggered by anxiety.

Which hit me Sunday morning. And then my boss texted me at home. “What exactly happened last night?”

That’s never what you want to hear, especially when you’re at home, from someone who usually respects that work barrier. So the anxiety definitely get worse, but Sunday started it because I forgot to take my morning pills which include a St. John’s Wort. I don’t know why the anxiety is riding so high in just general.

It sucks, really, because until June it wasn’t that high.

Now, I did start driving myself on Friday, maybe this is just an adjustment period. It’s been a long time since I’ve driven myself and I definitely miss it. I like being the only one in the vehicle with music playing. It’s relaxing, really. Especially night driving, which I know lots of people don’t like, but I like it. There’s this calm of night driving, there are fewer vehicles on the road then and less to deal with, I guess.

It’s just a bad mental health week for me. I want to cry and don’t know why. I want to hide, don’t know why. Instead, I force a smile and try to function but it sucks, really.

Yesterday I told my cousin we should leave earlier if he wants to be dropped at the front doors. There’s a traffic circle by the front doors and the idea of going in there caused a mini-attack while I was in the car.

So, you know, picking him up is going to be fun.

He, of course, has never grappled with anxiety, so he demanded to know why that would cause anxiety.

I don’t think I said it would cause anxiety. I think I said it would cause an anxiety attack. Growing up I got that a lot. Bullshit about how mental health is in your head and there’s nothing to be sad about, blah blah, ignore it and it’ll totally go away.

Mind you, that’s why I get out of bed now, but having someone ask that actually caused me more problems. Thankfully I answered.

“Because… anxiety, it’s… bad.”

I finished Grim Port today and I’ve just got a lovely little feeling but underneath it all is the anxiety. It’s back and kicking into high gear as I sit for work.

It’s not my usual day to work, but there was a sudden need. It’s also that particular co-worker’s night to close.

And I’m already a bundle of tears and nervous anxiety wrapped up in attention problems and way too much energy.

Wonder if I have an attention disorder… No, I can pay attention fine when I want to.

I’m not worried about the past. I’m not worried about the future. I’ve got a handle on finances so far. I get paid this week and then pay out from that, but that didn’t even register until this second. So all that stuff that’s been flicking me in the nose, basically, over the past couple of months isn’t doing that.

A few ratings and reviews have come in for Seed and they’ve been good so far.

Unless it’s just one of those… calm panics.

It’s this weird thing that one of my friends from high school pointed out. I lived with her for a while and after a year, I started trying to find an apartment. I didn’t want to move out, she didn’t want me to move out, but it was just this… this instinct. I started panicking because I was in the same place for so long.

Turns out that can happen. Nothing bad goes wrong after a lifetime of explosions and after a few weeks of quiet, you start seeing everything as a problem. It’s a pretty big struggle to get over, but possible.

Maybe it’s just that. It’s like I expect someone to fling something at my head or something. Like just getting ready for it and panicking ahead of time because I’m trying to find out where the thing swung at my head is going to come from.

Hopefully, not my boss. She texted me Sunday, today is Tuesday, I haven’t seen her since.

School is going all right. We changed from Keyboarding to Document Formatting last week and I’ve learned a bit, but I miss the hour of music to unwind as I did typing, of being wrapped up in me and my worlds while I did some work. It was nice. I’m learning from Document Formatting though, so I’m still trying to pay just as much attention there as anywhere else.

Some of the other students have decided having two tests on one day is too much, having five in a week is way too much, and they’re trying to get things pushed. I don’t want them pushed and it seems these other students know that. It upsets them that I want to stick to the schedule.

How often have you gone to your boss needing an extension on something? Need it because it happens to fall on the same day as some other deadline?

For me? Uh, I think three times in twelve years. Otherwise, you try to skip out on a deadline and you’re in a lot of trouble. Deadlines, stress, it’s a part of any job.

Plus, I mean, they were talking about taking the accounting test from Tuesday with Math and moving it to Wednesday where we’re having a writing test. So. Rather than have the two math tests the same day, they want to switch it up and do math and then english and think that somehow it will help them out?

I just, I dunno, guys, that sounds like a bad idea.

Over lunch I got passive aggressively chastised again because I’m not having trouble. So, yet again, I explained that it’s just this semester I know almost everything for. Next semester I’d be in the same boat as everyone else.

I mean, my grades are between 90 and 99% right now. I watch others try to argue with the instructor about what should and should not count as right. Or, I explain to them how to do it and they say they understand then I watch them go to the rest of the class on another day with the same question.

Get the same answer. Then go to the instructor with the question.

Up and leave at 3pm every day, and the instructors do not look impressed at all.

Skipping class, texting in class. I’m seeing this all and I’m just thinking omg because they all seem to think that… that the instructors don’t literally have a file on each of us. They’ve told us as much. There is a file with everything in it, if we’re late, our emails to them, what we wear, how we behave, if we work with others.

I’m not sure how much clearer that could be made.

And there I am at the back of the class feeling self-conscious if I take too many notes because they might think I’m writing or something. For Googling the answers to questions I want that aren’t being taught in class (maybe because they’re being taught later, but I don’t know…)

Can I just take a mental health week? Just stay home, build a blanket fort, and sleep the whole week away.

Oh, that’s right, I can’t. Because I have to work and I have to go to school and in between I have to try to do cleaning and maintaining of things otherwise I’ll drive myself crazy.

Winter break is about seven weeks away. Then we’ve got three weeks off in a row. During which time I need to pick up whatever hours work is willing to offer me. It’s all this have to and got to and must haves. But even if I work every hour they’re allowed to give me, it’s not really making any impressive number.

Yay, life.

Where’s my damned sarcasm font?